The Kindness of Strangers

A frail elderly patient in the BBC’s Big Hospital Experiment is at last able to feed himself with the loving care of two young volunteers…He turns to them, the angels by his bed…says ‘Thank you’ with grace and a smile and I…lose it….

Daughter: Oh here we go – it’s fucking DIY SOS all over again.


For Your Future

Me: Can you please open a savings account so I can put some money in there

Daughter: Here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna open the fridge – that’s what I’m gonna do



Summer 2019

Daughter: Ok, here’s the thing. I’m probably going to Lisbon in August

Me: That’s great. Who with?

Daughter: Nelson Mandela

Me: He’s dead

Daughter: That’s a shame. Anyway – the thing is – the plane ticket’s gonna be expensive – so…

Me: Can lend you a little…

Daughter: Don’t need money. Know any pilots?


Nothing’s Free

Me: Could you do me a huge favour while I’m away and pick up my Amazon parcel from the Co-op. It has to be collected by Saturday. There’s a £10 fee in it for you.

Know what’s coming before it arrives…

Daughter: 15

Me: 12.50

Daughter: 14.99

Me: Be reasonable – 12.50

Daughter: 14.95

Me: 13

Daughter: 13.80

Me: For the love of God – OK!

Daughter:…and a donkey.