Me: I think it’s a stray. He’s friendly but a little temperamental

Daughter: Look at the cat. Look at it and tell me it’s not on heroin

Me: I think, if he comes to live with us, we should call him Sammy Davis Jr

Daughter: I am a motherless child. You are not my mother. I have no mother. I will not be calling it by that name. Are you crazy?




The Kindness of Strangers

A frail elderly patient in the BBC’s Big Hospital Experiment is at last able to feed himself with the loving care of two young volunteers…He turns to them, the angels by his bed…says ‘Thank you’ with grace and a smile and I…lose it….

Daughter: Oh here we go – it’s fucking DIY SOS all over again.


Summer 2019

Daughter: Ok, here’s the thing. I’m probably going to Lisbon in August

Me: That’s great. Who with?

Daughter: Nelson Mandela

Me: He’s dead

Daughter: That’s a shame. Anyway – the thing is – the plane ticket’s gonna be expensive – so…

Me: Can lend you a little…

Daughter: Don’t need money. Know any pilots?