Summer 2019

Daughter: Ok, here’s the thing. I’m probably going to Lisbon in August

Me: That’s great. Who with?

Daughter: Nelson Mandela

Me: He’s dead

Daughter: That’s a shame. Anyway – the thing is – the plane ticket’s gonna be expensive – so…

Me: Can lend you a little…

Daughter: Don’t need money. Know any pilots?


Nothing’s Free

Me: Could you do me a huge favour while I’m away and pick up my Amazon parcel from the Co-op. It has to be collected by Saturday. There’s a £10 fee in it for you.

Know what’s coming before it arrives…

Daughter: 15

Me: 12.50

Daughter: 14.99

Me: Be reasonable – 12.50

Daughter: 14.95

Me: 13

Daughter: 13.80

Me: For the love of God – OK!

Daughter:…and a donkey.



Things Just Won’t Be the Same When She Leaves

Makes me smile, the way she’s still in touch with friends from secondary school…some bonds don’t fray.. 

Me: What are they doing now? How are they?

Daughter: Dead

Makes me smile when I pass her room and hear her waxing happy on the phone to a close friend from primary school days… 

I knock on her door to ask what madam wants for dinner…

Me: You seem happy…who was that?

A little risky, but I dare.

Daughter: Were you listening ?

Me: Of course not, just heard in passing,..

Daughter: It was Alex.

Me: Oh how lovely. How is she?

Daughter: Dead.