Daughter: Ok, 1) Yes, I’m going to Uni in September. Ask no questions and you won’t be disappointed by the absence of answers. Information will be given on a strictly need to know basis. 2) The mice are back, I can hear them in the skirting board so we need a cat as in now. Do not get another cat that looks like a grown man. Do not bring a clinically depressed, emotionally unstable or comatose creature into this house. I’ll need to be able to train the thing to hold a weapon and no, Battersea animal shelter cannot email the cat to you nor will it be able to read a map and make its own way here so you’ll need to be proactive. 3) I’d like a cup of hot chocolate for dinner please…

Me: Hot chocolate isn’t food…

Daughter: It is…if I eat it…with a fork…