She helps herself to chocolate Brioche rolls, custard creams…jelly snakes…mango….then rubbish….more rubbish…and yet more rubbish…and still…..she’s a bean pole…

Me: I’m a little worried about your eating habits at the moment…

Daughter : What do you mean?

Me: You’re eating a lot of sugar…a lot of rubbish basically.

Daughter : What’s rubbish to you is salad to me.

Me: I’m serious. You’ve seen that picture of me when I was 15?… the one in the living room… ?

Daughter : Is that a rhetorical question….How could I not see you…you were HUGE…I mean SWOLLEN as in larger than life…as in MASSIVE

Me: Ok, point made and point taken

Daughter : You were on the fat side of FAT mum..

Me: That’s because I used to eat a lot rubbish, bars of chocolate and sweets and all sorts of nonsense.

Daughter : Like the photographer….

Me: What?

Daughter : Do you see the photographer in that picture of you, aunty Yinka, aunty Kemi and uncle Tunde?

Me: Of course not. He was behind the camera.

Daughter : No mum. You don’t see him because he wasn’t there. He wasn’t there….. because you ATE him…

Me: I ate the photographer?

Daughter : Yes mum, you ate the photographer. ..